The reassurance I needed
Doubting my ability
As my 30 hour placement drew to a close I began reflecting on how much I had achieved, and how good the quality of my work was; something to avoid when you overthink like I do. As my role was something completely novel to me, I was very doubtful about whether I had done the work to the best of my ability, and was subsequently deeply concerned that I had let my mentor down. This led me down a dark path where I started regretting choosing that placement at all, telling myself I should have done something easier that I couldn’t mess up.
This downward spiral came to a peak 2 weeks before the placement deadline, when I felt emotionally drained over the amount of work there was left to do.
I was thoroughly dejected.
However, as though she sensed that I needed it, my academic advisor sent a blessing in the form of an email; she told me that she had spoken to my placement mentor who had said I was doing really well, and that my work was at the quality of MSc level!
A lifeline
What amazing praise! It was exactly the reassurance I needed to drag me out of the depths of despair, and I was over the moon.
This completely turned me around, and I began seeing the placement in an entirely new light- it was the best decision I had made in university so far.
I am now so glad that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and tried something I had never done before. It has proven to be invaluable for honing my research skills and giving me the confidence to work independently, as well as giving me a better idea of the career route I want to go down- and to know I’m actually doing a good job at it is even better!
This experience, and the extreme highs and lows of the placement, have shown me just how much I thrive off positive feedback, and more importantly, how I shouldn’t doubt myself as it is only ever counterproductive. Despite this, I have realised that I can’t be so reliant on receiving feedback like this. In the future, my work will be more independent, and therefore, there will be much less opportunity for having my progress evaluated. This means I need to rely on myself to pull me out of stages of doubt and anxiety, rather than waiting for reassurance from others, which might not always be there.
As a result of the placement, I will go forward with the readiness to say YES to more opportunities (even the ones that are massively out of my comfort zone), because, as I’ve seen, it could be the best thing I ever do.
